How Much Is Too Much? Raising
Likeable, Responsible, Respectful Children—From Toddlers to Teens—In an Age of
Overindulgence. By Jean Illsley Clarke, Ph.D., Connie Dawson, Ph.D., and
David Bredehoft, Ph.D. Da Capo. $16.99.
Mayim’s Vegan Table: More Than
100 Great-Tasting and Healthy Recipes from My Family to Yours. By Mayim
Bialik with Jay Gordon, M.D. Da Capo. $21.99.
The very title How Much Is Too Much? reflects
supersizing of a sort: this book is a revised and updated version of 2004’s How Much Is Enough? Apparently enough
isn’t enough anymore. Taken from the results of 10 studies (the original book
was based on three), the book in large part consists of common-sense ideas that
do not seem very common anymore: “Overindulging children is giving them too
much of what looks good, too soon, and for too long,” and “frequent
overindulgence can be painful to [children] – and to the people around them.” Many
of the authors’ recommendations are commonsensical, too: “We’re not suggesting
you consider eliminating playmates; just consider putting balance in your
family schedule.” And: “Remember, the word ‘No,’ used only when you mean it,
helps children feel safe, even when they resist it.” So if the material here is
indeed largely a matter of common sense, why do we need the book? Because, say
the authors, “overindulgence has become the cultural New Normal,” with wide-ranging
deleterious effects of which people are insufficiently aware. Jean Illsley
Clarke, Connie Dawson and David Bredehoft identify 14 “risky raindrops” of
overindulgence, in a somewhat overdone metaphor created on the basis that “rain
can nourish the land and replenish the aquifer or can become a deluge and
create muddy holes that keep us stuck.” These include such feelings and behaviors
as helplessness, an overblown sense of entitlement, lack of gratitude,
confusion of wants and needs, poor self-control and more. The negatives emerge
from homes in which there is overnurturing, “soft structure” (unclear
boundaries), a tendency to give kids too much – or some combination of those
factors. The authors urge parents to think of ways to turn “murky raindrops” (yes,
their terminology is inconsistent) into strengths, shown graphically as clear
raindrops (which, however, are quite as capable of causing a flood as are murky
ones). Thus, entitlement should be turned into an expectation of earning from
effort; poor self-control should become good self-control; goals of wealth,
fame and image should become goals of personal growth and meaningful
relationships; and so on. What should a parent do if, for example, she “wants
to exchange the soggy raindrop [sic –
aren’t all raindrops soggy?] of her son’s lack of appreciation for the
nourishing drop of appreciation”? Specific suggestions range from thanking the
cook and helpers at the end of each meal to asking a child what he appreciates
about school, his clothes, etc., and if he says “nothing,” replying that he
should think about it and you will ask again the next day. Whether this and the
other prescriptions here will work is largely a matter of the individual
personalities of parents and children, the overall family dynamics, and the age
of kids when parents try to deal with overindulgence – so it is impossible to
say whether the recommendations will do what the authors hope. But they are recommendations, and the fact that
the authors focus on the prescriptive rather than simply reciting the results
of their research is a significant strength of the book. There are enough ideas
here so that if one does not work, it is possible to try another, and then
another. The book also includes a helpful, if scarcely comprehensive,
discussion of what adults who were themselves overindulged as children can do
to counter the effects of their childhood. And it has sections on grandparents
who overindulge – and grandparents concerned because their children overindulge
the grandchildren. On balance, How Much
Is Too Much? is something of a hodgepodge, both in content and
stylistically. It contains “In Their Own Voices” sections drawn from the
authors’ research and helping to personalize it; quotations of varying levels
of relevance sprinkled around the pages; occasional footnotes in the middle of
the page; many bulleted lists; and a writing style that seesaws between the
academic and sentences such as this one: “STOP. THINK. CHOOSE. DO.”
(Capitalization as in the book.) The choppiness of the presentation, which also
includes elaborate charts and diagrams, makes the book disproportionately difficult
to read, but it does contain a considerable amount of interesting descriptive
information as well as some useful recommendations. If read in small chunks, it
has more to offer than if tackled head-on and read straight through.
Mayim’s Vegan Table, like other recipe-focused food books, is not
intended for straight-through reading. It is a straightforward vegan-cooking
book for fans of actress Mayim Bialik, who wrote the book in collaboration with
pediatrician Jay Gordon. Eat-the-vegan-way books inevitably begin by discussing
the vegan commitment itself and explaining why plant-based eating is better for
humans, even though our teeth and digestive systems clearly show us to be omnivores
rather than herbivores. Thus, Bialik’s book has a fairly straightforward
introductory chapter (one of several introductions) called “Is Plant-Based
Eating Really Better for Us? Nutritional Choices.” It will not convince
non-vegans and will not be needed by vegans, but it does give Gordon the
opportunity to make some rather questionable advocacy statements: “If milk were
good for you, the dairy industry wouldn’t have to spend hundreds of millions of
dollars [each year] to convince you of that.” Of course, what the industry is
actually trying to do is to get people to drink milk instead of other beverages, and it is using the “health” angle to
try to do so; but this is too much nuance for the presentation here. Similarly,
Bialik herself is so convinced that “we can and will be satisfied with
wholesome plant-based foods” that she states that kids would not argue with
vegan eating if they knew how good it would be for them when they reached, say,
their 50s. This may be true but is scarcely helpful. What is helpful here are not the arguments or argumentativeness but the
recipes, which take up most of the book and are the only real reason to consider
buying it. They come in the usual categories, among which are breakfast, soups
and salads, snacks, vegetables and other side dishes, main courses, breads and
desserts. Bialik, who is Jewish, includes some interesting vegan versions of
tzimmes, mandel brot, rugelach, sufganiyot, hamantaschen, and matzo ball soup,
with explanations of what the foods are and where they fit into Jewish culture.
She also offers recipes for such decidedly cross-cultural foods as spanakopita
(misspelled as “spanikopita”), tacos, pesto crostini, Mexican bean dip, udon
with edamame and Vietnamese banh mi with do chua. The many special recipe
ingredients will be familiar to vegans, and the preparation instructions will
be clear to those used to the particular time needs associated with vegan food
preparation, especially for those who have recently decided to try this form of
eating. Mayim’s Vegan Table will not
convert anyone to a vegan lifestyle, but for those who already believe in it,
it offers some interesting and healthful (not “healthy,” as the subtitle has
it) recipes that families committed to vegan foods will enjoy trying.
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