Cold Calls. By Charles
Benoit. Clarion. $17.99.
The Cold Cereal Saga, Book Two:
Unlucky Charms. By Adam Rex. Balzer+Bray/HarperCollins. $7.99.
It’s an old, old plot:
mystery caller mysteriously contacts several people telling them, in a
mysterious way, that he (or she) knows something secret and damaging about
them, so they must do his (or her) bidding, or the awful something that the
mysterious one mysteriously knows will be revealed to the world. This is
exactly the plot of Cold Calls, which
tries for a bit of a twist on the formula by weaving into it a story about
bullying – which is what each of the mysteriously called people (Eric, Fatima
and Shelly) is forced to do. The protagonists are typical teenage types: the
jock who makes a serious mistake, the dutiful daughter who is too curious about
her religion for her own good, and the goth girl hiding from her past. It is
impossible to relate to them as anything other than one-dimensional, but
Charles Benoit is not looking for a character-based book here – this is a mystery,
if a rather formulaic one. It is filled with things that pass for self-analysis
and could be said or thought by any of the protagonists, such as this, which
happens to be thought by Shelly, the former goth girl: “She knew there had to
be some punishment. You don’t commit
a crime that big and expect to walk away. Maybe God was just picking up the
slack for the judge. But it wasn’t the voice of God that had her doing things
she never thought she would do, things she hated doing but didn’t have a choice
about. Not a real choice, anyway.” Eventually, the three unwilling bullies, who
are from different schools, meet when all are required to go to an
anti-bullying program – each has been forced by the mysterious voice into
bullying specific classmates. The three start to compare notes and soon realize
they are all being victimized the same way, and presumably by the same person –
against whom they must team up. “We can so
do this,” says one. “We can cross-reference names, compare notes, look at
things we have in common. Like I said, we can do this.” But it’s not so simple
(or there would be no book). The three protagonists have to forge an unlikely alliance-cum-friendship,
and have to learn about each other, and have to speak in clichés such as this
one: “I’m glad you know my secret. …It felt like this weight I was carrying
everywhere.” They have to figure out what is going on, come up with a way to
take care of their mutual problem after tracking down the mysterious caller,
arrange to confront the person who has been calling them, manage to get rid of
the items about which they have been blackmailed, and then – well, mysteries
like this have an obligatory twist ending, and this one is no exception. There
is nothing profound or important in Cold
Calls, but it is a quick read, a “beach read” sort of book that teens will
enjoy as long as they do not spend too much time noticing the formulaic
plotting and cardboard characters.
The plotting is not so much
formulaic as exceedingly improbable in The
Cold Cereal Saga, whose second book, originally released last year, is now
available in paperback. In this series for ages 8-12, a manufacturer of
breakfast cereal is plotting to take over the world (oh, that again). This is a distinctly modern fairy tale, complete with
TV, computers and airplanes as well as magical creatures – which are being
lured into the world through a rift in the time-space continuum. Scott (that
is, 11-year-old hero Scottish Play Doe) is searching for that rift to try to
save the Queen of England, who has been kidnapped and replaced by two goblins
in a queen suit – a kidnapping that makes somewhat more sense than does that of
Princess Poppy, since in this case the objective is to, you know, rule the
world, right? Anyway, if Scott does manage to locate the rift, he wants to
rescue the Queen and persuade the fairies to stop doing what they’re doing,
which involves using an ingredient called Intellijuice in Goodco Cereal Company
products to turn kids into a zombie army. You see, Goodco is run by a fairy
named Nimue, that being one of the names given to the Lady of the Lake in
Arthurian legend; and if you think that connection far-fetched, it helps to
remember that The Cold Cereal Saga
also features an accountant/scientist/time traveler named, ahem, Merle Lynn. Among
the other characters here is a two-foot-tall leprechaun name Mick: Adam Rex feels
no need to be consistent by following only a single set of stories, myths or
fairy tales. Rex’s many illustrations, including a TV news broadcast and a
commercial break, add to the hectic pace of this already hectic book, which
unfortunately will be well-nigh unintelligible to anyone who has not read the
first book in the series. Rex keeps the plot moving – maybe “lurching” is a
better word – from event to event, chase to chase, scene to scene, complication
to complication; and it is not always easy to figure out just what is going on,
although readers who enjoyed the first book will be able to make sense out of Unlucky Charms. Many of the problems
here are typical in second books of trilogies: such books have to advance the
story, but not too much; they have to set up the finale, but not too clearly;
they have to bring back old characters and introduce new ones, but not to the
point of confusion. Unlucky Charms
does not quite succeed on those terms – there is a frantic-ness about it that
at best is fun and at worst is simply, well, frantic. It is at least clear that
some sort of happy ending is in store for everyone, even the kidnapped Queen,
at the conclusion of the saga, although Unlucky
Charms is careful to leave things in such a state that it is by no means
clear just how that happy ending, or indeed the ending of the story itself,
will come about.
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